My family and other people

Last Tuesday my sister-in-law and I went for a walk with Reena (name changed), a neighbor down the street. Another neighbor D, who always smiles and stops to chat while walking his dog and whose colorful "kindness always" yard sign cheers with its message, had done something very peculiar just a week before. He and his wife P had invited about 25-30 neighbors to a backyard party and grilled burgers and hotdogs for everyone. (It was peculiar because, although we and our neighbors are social and have parties all the time, those are for our outside friends ...not locals!). As a result of D & P's unusual initiative, now when I walk down the tree-shaded street across from my house, I know a lot more about the people who live there and carry on an internal monologue about them - "there's Ross sitting on his porch, Reena must be busy cooking for her husband, I like the tall grasses Sherri and Karl have lining their yard". Even when I didn't get their name...

Some people say that getting R, my son with special needs, to graduate from high school was a mistake. Instead of a high school diploma, we should have pursued a completion cetificate. They have a point - I've sometimes wondered too. The thing is, if you get a diploma, the school district assumes you are fine and gives you no more support. Those with completion certificates have special programs available to them until they are 26. But then I remember how he had lost all motivation to go to school in tenth grade. He would sit in class and not do a thing. It was only when he suddenly made graduation (and a graduation party just like his sister's) a goal, that he set his mind to earning the credits. He needed a lot of handholding, but he did it. I remember the moment when we were standing in front of the graduation venue before the ceremony, "Graduation is permanent," he said brightly, "no one can take it away!" Even now, when he's at a loose end and back ...

About two decades ago, I inadvertently took part in a social experiment. I went back home to India with my baby son and little daughter to spend 6 months with my parents. K (my mother's current housekeeper) was hired from 8 am to 8 pm every day to help me take care of the children. So whenever I went on social visits, K came along to keep the children entertained and happy while I chatted with my hosts. Was K, an employee and a poor / lower class person, a visitor in their homes, merely my appendage (like my purse) and hence to be ignored, or a person to be accorded a degree of visitorship through careful calibration of her status? Different households had different answers to this delicate question. Since she was physically present, there had to be a response. "None of the above" was not a choice. In house A, they welcomed me warmly, offered me a comfortable armchair and I sat down. But I just couldn't relax ..because they didn't ask K to sit. If not an uph...